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About Digital Art / Hobbyist Mirjana29/Female/Serbia Group :iconbalkanian-deviants: Balkanian-deviants
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korinoryu's Profile Picture
korinoryu
Mirjana
Artist | Hobbyist | Digital Art
Serbia
And the first rude sketch that the world had seen was joy to his mighty heart, till the Devil whispered behind the leaves "It's pretty, but is it Art?"

Current Residence: Belgrade/Serbia
Favourite genre of music: metal, dnb, blues, rock, Jrok....
Favourite photographer: Bojan Zamurovic, but there's a bunch more
Favourite style of art: pencil, aquarel, digitallart, photography...
Operating System: Windows 7
MP3 player of choice: Sony
Wallpaper of choice: Nature, anything black and white
Favourite cartoon character: Kenny, Stewie, Venom, Toothless, Deadpoll
Personal Quote: Just smile ;)
Interests
Hello all. Long time no see again. :) Well, there is so much going on in my life... Unfortunately, less of them are good.
I am going through my artist crises again. I have a fear of drawing... (i know that this sounds a bit confusing). Because i didn't draw in a long time. Why,... because I live in a unhealthy environment in my home, with only a single working parent (my parents are getting divorced btw) , so I had to work at the first job that came up. Well, I had a small amount of luck that it was in my expertise, and I was so happy for a little while.... But, I got harassed on that job, big time, by my Boss... I was, and still am, so frustrated, because i dedicated my whole energy to do that job as a graphic designer, that i came home every day exhausted, and i couldn't hold my pencil.... I held on there for 6 painful months... And I had some private jobs that I neglected, because I didn't have the time, or the straight to finish them... Eventually, I got fired ( framed to get fired). I was a bit sad, because of the money, but in the same time glad that I don't have to suffer that harassment any more.

Here in Serbia is extremely hard to get a job. Especially as an artist, because we are not that appreciated. U can get a job if you have friends on high places, or through political activity or group ( in which I don't have interest ). And especially if you are a woman. In that case, the employer would like for a female to have at least 25 years, to have at least 20 years of experience, and no children (and no intentions to have one ever)...

Life this year has been very hard for me. I don't have support of my parents, because their life are at stake now... ( cause they are two spoiled brats). I have o take care of my two little sisters. So basically, in my home, I am a wife, a father, a sister, a mother ... everything but myself... And that's devastating... On the top of that, i have no place to draw, cause i share a room with my sister...And all 5 of us live in a box of matches ( that is a synonym here in Serbia when you live in a small Home). But i occasionally go to my BF's Home and try to draw in peace.... But I can't invade his home because He's mother is a single parent, and has to support two suns, who are finishing their master degree, also in a small home like mine.

I'm going through a severe identity crisis right now, and going through a lot of self doubt... Because I have the feeling that I failed as an artist, have failed everyone, and most important - failed myself...
Now, I try to do some basics, drawing human anatomy ( which t have almost completely forgotten  )... Baby steps...
Every time I draw a face, an eye , a line... every time a have a severe panic attack...  And it is a terrifying feeling...

I wrote this to ... I  don't know... feel better... but i feel more sadness, and pain, and anger. Because, I'm not a person who takes anything for granted, and I'm a fighter, and I don't stand in one place and whine about everything and every obstacle that stands before me.... But I feel, that every time I take a step forward, i take 10 backwards....


So that was about it... what is going on in my life ... I wanted my fans (if a had ones ) to have some feedback of me. Because I think that is the right thing to do....

Luv ya all.


 

  • Mood: Frustrated
  • Listening to: Hatebreed
  • Reading: Tutorials
  • Watching: Supernaturall
  • Playing: Wow
  • Eating: Watermalon
  • Drinking: water

Activity


Hello all. Long time no see again. :) Well, there is so much going on in my life... Unfortunately, less of them are good.
I am going through my artist crises again. I have a fear of drawing... (i know that this sounds a bit confusing). Because i didn't draw in a long time. Why,... because I live in a unhealthy environment in my home, with only a single working parent (my parents are getting divorced btw) , so I had to work at the first job that came up. Well, I had a small amount of luck that it was in my expertise, and I was so happy for a little while.... But, I got harassed on that job, big time, by my Boss... I was, and still am, so frustrated, because i dedicated my whole energy to do that job as a graphic designer, that i came home every day exhausted, and i couldn't hold my pencil.... I held on there for 6 painful months... And I had some private jobs that I neglected, because I didn't have the time, or the straight to finish them... Eventually, I got fired ( framed to get fired). I was a bit sad, because of the money, but in the same time glad that I don't have to suffer that harassment any more.

Here in Serbia is extremely hard to get a job. Especially as an artist, because we are not that appreciated. U can get a job if you have friends on high places, or through political activity or group ( in which I don't have interest ). And especially if you are a woman. In that case, the employer would like for a female to have at least 25 years, to have at least 20 years of experience, and no children (and no intentions to have one ever)...

Life this year has been very hard for me. I don't have support of my parents, because their life are at stake now... ( cause they are two spoiled brats). I have o take care of my two little sisters. So basically, in my home, I am a wife, a father, a sister, a mother ... everything but myself... And that's devastating... On the top of that, i have no place to draw, cause i share a room with my sister...And all 5 of us live in a box of matches ( that is a synonym here in Serbia when you live in a small Home). But i occasionally go to my BF's Home and try to draw in peace.... But I can't invade his home because He's mother is a single parent, and has to support two suns, who are finishing their master degree, also in a small home like mine.

I'm going through a severe identity crisis right now, and going through a lot of self doubt... Because I have the feeling that I failed as an artist, have failed everyone, and most important - failed myself...
Now, I try to do some basics, drawing human anatomy ( which t have almost completely forgotten  )... Baby steps...
Every time I draw a face, an eye , a line... every time a have a severe panic attack...  And it is a terrifying feeling...

I wrote this to ... I  don't know... feel better... but i feel more sadness, and pain, and anger. Because, I'm not a person who takes anything for granted, and I'm a fighter, and I don't stand in one place and whine about everything and every obstacle that stands before me.... But I feel, that every time I take a step forward, i take 10 backwards....


So that was about it... what is going on in my life ... I wanted my fans (if a had ones ) to have some feedback of me. Because I think that is the right thing to do....

Luv ya all.


 

  • Mood: Frustrated
  • Listening to: Hatebreed
  • Reading: Tutorials
  • Watching: Supernaturall
  • Playing: Wow
  • Eating: Watermalon
  • Drinking: water

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Comments


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:icondamaimikaz:
DamaiMikaz Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Tnx for the fav :la:
Reply
:iconkorinoryu:
korinoryu Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Allways Hug Heart 
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:iconjadawise:
JadaWise Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2015
:thanksdoomllamaplz: Thanks For The Llama Emote Nobu Llama Thanks plz Thank Llama 1 Of 2 Thanks for the LlamaThank Llama 2 Of 2 thanks for the llama 2 thank u 'Thanks for the llama' Beej edition 

 
billboard: THANK YOU Llama Gwomp - tastes goodLlama HugLlama Lovellama cancan3D Llama BadgeLlama brigadeGiddy Up Llama:llamatagfail:chasing llama:seizurellama:Llama (Words)    
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:iconkorinoryu:
korinoryu Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Hug 
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:iconjadawise:
JadaWise Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2015
Emoticon Rainbow Emoticon Rainbow Emoticon Rainbow Emoticon Rainbow Emoticon Rainbow Emoticon Rainbow Emoticon Rainbow Emoticon Rainbow Emoticon Rainbow Emoticon Rainbow Emoticon Rainbow Emoticon Rainbow Emoticon Rainbow Emoticon Rainbow 
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:iconella-cheng:
ella-cheng Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2015
thanks for the llama :flowerhugs: 
Reply
:iconkorinoryu:
korinoryu Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Hug 
Reply
:icongromit99squi:
gromit99squi Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2015
Thanks for the llama! :D
Reply
:iconkorinoryu:
korinoryu Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Hug 
Reply
:iconwaltonzoo:
WaltonZoO Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2015
Thank you very much!Hug 
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